You Said That Already
by dorcasdeadowes
Summary: Lily looked up at the sound of him, her face blotchy with tears and her eyes red.


The air was bitterly cold, the warmth of James' breath fogging up the mirror he clutched. Sirius' face blurred, but his whispers came through clearly.

"Are you sure we don't want to go with cockroach cluster?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm telling you, he likes it. Get the blood lollies," said James.

The two boys simultaneously glanced over their shoulder to reaffirm that they were alone.

James was walking as quickly as possible through the school hallway, desperate to return to the warmth of the Gryffindor common room after an unpleasant detention spent helping Hagrid chop down the Christmas trees. Hagrid was a laugh, but it was bloody freezing and there was far more chopping and far less talking than James would have liked.

Sirius was in the basement of Honeydukes stealing some important supplies for revenge on Stebbins.

"If you insist," said Sirius, stuffing his pockets with the vile red sweets. "How was detention?"

Before James could reply, a flash of auburn caught his eye.

Lily Evans was sitting, completely alone on a Sunday afternoon, in the snow-covered courtyard.

"Talk later," said James, slipping the mirror in his pocket and venturing outside.

Lily looked up at the sound of him, her face blotchy with tears and her eyes red.

"Hi," he stammered. "Sorry."

"You don't have to leave," she said softly, her voice thicker than usual through the tears. "Honestly, I wouldn't mind the company."

"Okay,"

"But you don't have to stay if you don't want to."

James sought for an appropriate response. Too positive and he'd seem insensitive, too humble and she'd feel pitied. So, instead of speaking, he simply sat beside her on the wall, feeling the cold of the stone through his robes and stinging the fingers of his right hand, which he placed between the two of them, subconsciously constructing a small barrier. It didn't make the situation any more comfortable and he thought he should have placed him hand on her shoulder instead. But they weren't exactly on favourable terms. Not since the previous summer and the incident with Snape by the lake.

"Are you okay?" he asked, instantly regretting it.

"Not really. I just got this letter."

James saw, for the first time, the ripped pieces of paper at her feet.

Noticing this, Lily said, "That was a bit of an overreaction. I wish I hadn't done it."

"Want me to pick up the pieces so we can put them back together?"

Lily looked at James curiously, taken aback by the sincerity of his offer.

"No, it's fine," she said finally.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. It's not something I particularly want to read again."

"Okay."

They stared ahead at the snow falling lightly, slowly weighing down the leaves of a nearby bush. James wanted to talk more, but every time he glanced at Lily it seemed as though she was struggling with something and he did not want to interrupt.

With a deep breath, Lily began, "My mum died."

"Oh," said James, his mouth suddenly very dry and his blue hands starting to sweat in spite of the weather. "I'm really sorry."

"Thanks," she replied absent-mindedly.

"Did you just find out?"

She nodded.

"I'm sorry," he said once more.

"You said that already."

"I know. Sorry."

She almost laughed.

"Was it unexpected?"

"Not really. But I think even when you know something gonna happen you don't really know until it actually does happen, you know?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry," she said, laughing a little at the absurdity of it all. "I don't know why I'm telling you all this."

"It's okay. I've been told I'm a great listener."

"By who?"

"I don't know. I never shut up long enough to hear names."

Lily laughed, and this time it was a real, joyful laugh. Small and throaty and tinged with sadness, but still very much real.

"Thank you," she said. "I should go."

Not that there was anywhere she needed to be, but there was nothing left to say.

"Okay," he replied.

They looked at each other for a lingering moment before the uncomfortable laughter returned and they set off in, purposefully, opposite directions.

Lily did not look back, but if she had, she would have seen James' face sober as he paused to watch her leave.

* * *

 **AN:** I'm trying to get back into the swing of writing fic and obviously had to write something sad. Let me know what you think.


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